In the past two weeks I’ve witnessed the last rites given at five different locations for the same impending death carrying the same name. As former Monkee Michael Nesmith once sang so long ago, “her name was Joann…..”

The chain of fabric and craft stores named Joann has been condemned to die by May, not because they’re not making money, but because inept management spent too much of it on stuff none of Joann’s core customers want. Stuff like home décor and nine-foot high inflatable Christmas and Halloween decorations.

No…Joann’s loyal disciples sew, craft, frame, paint, mold, bake. They’re makers.

As one bereft Joann customer noted while standing in checkout lines that extended the length of the store and curled around the rear, “we don’t want ready-made things. We’re the ones who make things and we need the materials to make them.”

My wife and daughter are among them, and that’s what led us to visiting a half-dozen Joann locations in our area, and counting.

As merely their wheelman with no aptitude whatsoever for the magic the makers conjure from the raw materials on Joann’s shelves, I could only stand by to witness the swelling desperation and despair among the talented men and women grasping at the supplies they need, as Joann breathes its final breaths.

Yes, the going out of business discounts are certainly an incentive to make multiple sorties to as many Joann stores as possible, but the urgency to stock up before Joann is shut up for good is much more organic.

I’ve come to learn from overhearing the conversations and exclamations from the mournful makers that you simply can’t find the same type of fabric at competitors such as Hobby Lobby.

Indeed, my daughter who makes almost every stitch of clothing she wears, explained there’s fabric for crafting and fabric for apparel. It’s the latter necessary for clothing and Hobby Lobby just doesn’t stock it. Neither, I’m told do the scads of quilting shops scattered around the country.

Sure, you can certainly find apparel fabric online, but as more than one upset shopper noted while prospecting Joann’s remaining bolts, “you have to feel the fabric!” Indeed. 

The impending death of Joann also means imminent unemployment for thousands of its workers, many of whom are running out the clock staffing the stores until the ultimate closing time.

It’s not easy. Each day closer to the end the crowds are becoming denser, patience is getting thinner and emotions are growing more raw.

When one customer barked at a harried staffer about some perceived mistake, the poor worker sadly offered, “I’m trying really hard here.” The customer felt equally as bad for snapping and apologized.

But there are testimonies from fed up workers that some customers hoping to land last-minute bargains are downright disrespectful and thoughtless, such as deriding workers for the long checkout lines and waits, at times, for hours at the fabric cutting tables.

One, cutting table staffer wrote in Reddit, she simply walked off the job after one abusive customer too many.

It didn’t have to be this way. At an auction, a company willing to keep at least some Joann locations alive lost out to a liquidator that makes its blood money by selling off whatever assets it can before trashing them—basically selling the carrion of a dying chain.  What a waste on so many levels.

I don’t know how many more Joann stores we’ll visit before there’s nothing left worth waiting in line to buy. But as long as my wife and daughter want to try their luck as they squirrel away the precious supplies they need while they’re available, I’m happy to be their driver.

Oh, I let them be while they shop. Sometimes I escape for a bit to another store in the shopping center or just take a walk. But I do find fascinating the myriad of gadgets, devices, tools, implements of which I have little to no idea of their use or function.

I’m always drawn to the giant board from which the things they call “notions” are hanging.

 I honestly have no, um, notion, what the stuff is for but it’s fun to wish you knew just so you could work it into a conversation at a bar to attenuate some braggart’s bluster with something like, “heh, but I scored some kickass notions yesterday.” Only to see the wuss back down and plead, “Where, or where?” I smugly reply, “Joann, jerk.” He buys the next round.

Effin’ A!

You know, it’s really hard, day after day, watching so many people at loose ends literally grasping at straws, fabric bolts, buttons, needles and patterns before Joann breathes its last breaths.

Come May it will be RIP for Joann…rest in piece… goods.