A major ballot issue among the Amish will be same hex marriage
It will take only two shows to discover there never was a real Stephen Colbert, but rather a guy named Morty Schwartz impersonating a Catholic dude impersonating a conservative talk show host. Word!
CNN will change its format to 24-hour continuous tittering by Anderson Cooper.
Fox News will update its long-fraudulent slogan to “Scared and Imbalanced.”
MSNBC plans no changes since it has no viewers
Longtime viewers of HGTV’s “House Hunters” will revel in the first murder of an obnoxious couple by a real estate agent, leading to a wildly popular spinoff “Love Them or Waste Them.”
The Weather Channel will finally throw in the towel with the new series, “Just Look Out the Freakin’ Window.” It will score its highest ratings in years.
NASA will suffer a major embarrassment when it triumphantly announces it has discovered life on Mars, only to be told the agency’s big telescope was focused on Mars, PA, a suburb of Pittsburgh, population 1,686. Guess whose planet will be looking red?
Shirley MacLaine will cap off an amazing career by recording duets with her other selves.
Taylor Swift will break up with her other selves and sell 3-billion records singing about it.
One of Taylor Swift’s other selves will record a rebuttal song but unimpressed consumers will shake it off.
One of the biggest movies of the year will involve a plot to end Seth Rogan’s career.
Arianna Grande will reach her adult height of two-feet, six-inches and be tragically swallowed by Nikki Manaj during an especially vibrant performance of “Bang Bang.” Jessie J will feel left out.
The Nobel Peace Prize will be given to CNN for ending the irrelevant war of words called “Crossfire.”
“The View” and “The Voice” will merge, renamed “The Void.”