Being the unbelievably generous father figure that I am, I took my family for a sumptuous lunch at a well-known fast food chain. It turned out to be not fast, but eventual, food, of which its arrival was not guaranteed.

Here’s how it went.

Wife (ordering for herself and son): 3 burgers, milk, small drink, 3 cookies

Me:  For me, chicken combo with nothing on the chicken.

Fast food clerk roughly the same age as a zygote: Uh, like a chicken and just like, the meat?

Me: Not JUST like the meat. The actual Meat!

Fast food clerk in-a-trance takes my money and disappears.

Several more customers surrender their orders to the Stepford Clerk and we all anxiously await our food while cooling our heels to the sound of crunching ice falling into  a paper vessel that will contain sugar or cancer-causing artificially sweetened soft drinks.

Five, six, seven minutes go by and the crowd of waiting customers is growing. Finally one guy steps up and asks for his money back because his starvation has now been replaced by apoplexy.

Our infant clerk turns around and says, “oh here’s your order. I forgot. Giggle giggle.”

“You can’t forget!” shouts the hungry man. “That’s not acceptable! You can’t just forget!” But he gamely takes his now ice cold burger and leaves.

Next guy is told his order is ready and it’s delivered on a tray.

“I told you it was to go!” the beaten down bearded burger orderer whimpers.

“Oh, yeah,” Kid Clerk says in her breathy Millennial voice.

“Well you have to listen!” urges the customer. “Who’s your manager? Oh, never mind. Never mind,” he mutters as he also trudges to his car.

It’s finally my turn, a full 10 minutes after my demanding “just the meat” order. Another clerk, this time a little boy who was even too young for zits just held up the tray and made eye contact with me.

“Yes, that’s mine” I assured him, but believing he’d give it to any schlub who put his hands out to take it off his. My wife’s milk was missing so I had to return to the counter to tell the original package of youthful protoplasm and she just glared at me with vacant eyes while reaching into the fridge for the little container.

As I’m getting some napkins another starving customer just smiled at me and said, “you should go to their other location. It’s really slow.”