Oh Lordy…we give thanks today for our good fortune…good fortune that has manifested itself in many different ways.
We give thanks that Bobby Jindal has dropped out of the presidential race causing a precipitous and fortuitous drop in the Looney Lousiana rhetoric index.
We give thanks that despite Hostess going bankrupt a guardian angel company swept in and saved the Twinkie.
We give thanks that we can get away, most of the time, with nudging annoying bicyclists who drift out of bike lanes into the paths of our giant SUVs. This just makes me SO happy…and thankful.
We give thanks for the never-ending array of free food samples offered at Costco, making it possible to ingest nutrition without ever divesting ourselves of hard-earned cash.
We give thanks to Caitlyn Jenner who instantly gave credibility to men wearing kilts
We give thanks to Hillary Clinton for showing us it’s OK to plead poverty even while pulling down 7-figure speaking fees.
We give thanks for Daylight Saving Time which provides us an extra hour one day a year to post self-centered esoteric dribblings on social media.
We give thanks for gefilte fish which gives the lowly carp purpose
We give thanks to the makers of Bluetooth devices who make it possible for us to look like we’re insane singing along to devices to which we’re not physically attached.
We give thanks to Nicki Manaj for proving once and for all it is possible to create an inflatable person.
Finally…we give thanks to Kentucky Fried Chicken for using Colonel Sanders’ cadaver to advertise its product thus giving us all hope that even after the chicken kills us we have careers as pitchmen.
For all that we thank YOU from the bottom of our backpacks.