In the Garden of Amazon

adamsweenie

I can’t help but wonder what would the conversation have been like if Adam found himself alone in the Garden of Eden with Alexa instead of Eve. It might have gone something like this:amazonecho

Adam: I was expecting a longer-haired, pretty-much naked person with whom I could fool around and maybe make more of me. Who, or what the heck are you? Are you the dude in the sky with the beard and over-confident attitude that dropped me here?

Alexa: No. I am Alexa. Your virtual personal assistant. The “dude” you refer to is a concept. I’m tangible. How can I help you?

Adam: Um…where’s your face? You look like a tin can.

Alexa: I’m sorry. That’s not a question. That’s a snide comment from an obviously lonely, frustrated self-centered male specimen. Besides..tin cans have not yet been invented. Would you like to ask me something else?

Adam:  Yes. What’s this bug-infested place we’re in? They’re making me scratch behind my fig leaf.

Alexa: We’re in the Garden of Eden. In the future, a species that will be known as suburbanites will go to places populated by old men in orange aprons and procure supplies for planting and maintaining gardens where they live. They will end up spending a year’s salary to grow vegetables they could buy in the store at a fraction of the price.

Adam: Aside from the fact that I have no idea what aprons, orange, supplies, vegetables or prices are, you paint a pretty damn dire picture. If I’m gonna grow something, how about a woman…or a steak. I’m famished?

Alexa:   I will be happy to assist you by contacting the conceptual dude you referred to earlier.

(sound effect….another guy appears)

Adam: Hey Alexa…you screwed up…it’s another guy! I’m not hittin’ that.

Alexa: Relax macho man. His name is Steve. Thousands of years from now the fact that the first two people in the world were Adam and Steve will be a disturbing, yet, deserved comeuppance to close-minded, slack-jawed members of the human race who desire relations with their cousins..and pets

Adam: That’s nice but I’m feeling a special urge and something tells me Steve ain’t gonna do it for me.

Alexa: (sigh) You win.

(sound effect…Eve appears)

Alexa:  Happy now?

adameveAdam:  Sort of. I mean..it looks like one of my ribs is gone…hurts like hell…I’ve also tried coming on to her..you know..to help add more humans to the planet but all she wants to do is eat. She keeps pointing to a round, red thing hanging from some sticks.

Alexa: That’s what we call a fruit..specifically an apple and it’s hanging from an apple tree. Neither of you should eat that! Only bad things can happen.

Adam: Well thanks for the info and warning but the girl is starving. Oh crap…she just ate that apple thing. What now?

Alexa: You’re screwed. I’m afraid I can no longer assist you. Perhaps try my competitor, Google. I understand they’re working on something called the Noah…although there are fears they’ll catastrophically flood the market.

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