I’ll lay my quid on the table forthwith. I’m on team Sussex. For one, you can’t go wrong rooting for a ginger man. Case in point, the late, great, irascible Cream drummer Ginger Baker. Wild, impatient and foul-mouthed, but a brilliant talent. He pissed off almost everyone with whom he came in contact, but you couldn’t dispute his skills.
Now, Harry is neither brilliant nor skilled, but apparently irascible in that he managed to piss off his granny, who just happens to be the Queen of England. That takes a pair of brass kippers.
Then there’s Meghan. She went from “Suits” to fruits–meaning being sucked into family so inbred its genome has only one step. If you sent their DNA to “23andMe” the result would be “23ofYou.” Her dissatisfaction with the royal life was a no-brainer since most of the family is a no-brainer. Young, beautiful and talented, the Duchess of Sussex was destined to ditch the dreariness of royal duties that mostly involve a lot of shaking, hugging, bowing and birthing.
And now the Sussex’s have decided to make their Sussex-it, high-tailing it to North America, presumably, Canada, where Meghan lived while shooting “Suits,” and trademarking their own Sussex Royal brand.
I can see it now where Duchess Meghan appears on Home Shopping Network hawking Sussex Royal brand pacifiers, tea sets, jewelry and crop tops. Perhaps Harry would join her to promote his own “special collection” of polo mallets, jodhpurs and Ginger Prince Ale.
Personally, I’d be in for a couple of Sussex Royal bobbleheads. You see, they’d be special. In the spirit of defying the Queen’s express order not to make their escape announcement, the bobbleheads would only shake their heads “no.”
I also envision a Sussex Royal production company. Duchess Meghan could resume her showbiz career producing, perhaps, royal-themed programming such as “Paparazzi Death Wish,” “A Curtsy Too Low,” and a twist on the the groundbreaking musical, “Corgi and Bess.”
As a former helicopter pilot, Harry would take on the important role of remaining in the sky and out of the way, occasionally making airborne Starbucks and pho runs for the cast and crew.
So it seems obvious, this was a well thought-out decision and I wish them the best of luck. Indeed, if they are, they may actually re-write the rules of royalty. I believe it will be titled the “Meghan Carta.” I want those bobbleheads autographed.
A lot of attention was paid this weekend to Pippa Middleton’s wedding. I suppose there would have been some attention paid to her nuptials since she’s the sister of Prince William’s wife, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. Realistically, however, I’m convinced the attention would have been scant, if the comely royal sibling had not graced us with the contours of her shapely derriere as she emerged from a car, arriving at her sister’s wedding in her clingy bridesmaid’s confection. Tabloids mooned over Pippa’s apparent, and unintentional momentary eclipsing of her sister’s big day. Indeed, one was hard pressed to immediately find photos of the face of that belonged to the gluteus fabulous. It turned out the camera loved Pippa’s entire package, and compared to her attractive royal sister, she is certainly no Joanie comely lately.
Still, looking at the scores of images and videos of Pippa’s big day one cannot wonder if those online photo galleries and front page play would have existed at all had she not exited that car back in 2011, in reverse, setting off her seismic ass-cent into the public consciousness. We found out she’s a party planner, had lots of boyfriends and has plenty of quid thanks to her wealthy parents and an earnest work ethic. We even were treated to photos of her from the front..but only begrudgingly, by supermarket tabloids that earned their publisher’s megabucks by featuring photos of mega butts.
The demand for her flattering dress spiked almost immediately as well as the popularity of diet and exercise programs aimed at emulating Pippa’s curvy hindquarter geometry.
I still couldn’t tell you what Pippa’s voice sounds like since I’ve never heard it. Then again, I neither encountered nor sought any recordings of it. Nothing personal. Just not interested.
I’m hoping now that both sides of the lovely Pippa are committed in matrimony this will be pretty much the last we’ll hear of her. Considering the source of her original notoriety, it’s time the world turned the other cheek. Then again, while she seems harmless enough there are plenty of asses in D.C., who should, perhaps, never show their faces.