I won’t be eating turkey this year. Perhaps I’ll never eat it again…at least until I move to a different neighborhood.
Oh, I’m not against turkey per se. I’m just against eating my neighbors. Shortly after moving to our current location a little over three years ago, we gradually got to know the folks who live in our small subdivision. A few came over with well-wishes and even bottles of wine to welcome us.
We got became familiar with others during our nightly walks through the sub, often stopping to chat or making a fuss over someone’s dog. It’s a small community so it didn’t take long to take complete inventory of who lives where. Then one night we discovered a family we hadn’t yet met.
As I looked out my front window I saw them sauntering in the street and entering a neighbor’s driveway, perhaps to offer holiday wishes and trade non-poultry-based recipes. I managed to capture some of the rather large clan’s approach on video while inviting them to waddle over some time.
A few weeks later I noticed a lone member of the family in the woods behind my house with his feathers fully extended. The object of his flamboyance was about a hundred yards further in the brush out of camera range. The poor Tom was hoping to score a little Tammy on that crisp fall morning. It took him awhile to get there. I don’t know if they did, indeed, hook up, but our whole family was in his corner hoping at least one of them enjoyed some stuffing.
All in all, they’re pretty good neighbors. They pretty much flock together and don’t make much noise except for occasional squawks of pleasure or recognition. Once in a while if a mischievous squirrel or raccoon pisses them off the squawks will take on a little more urgency, but who can blame them.
Look, I’m not a hypocrite. I eat meat and fish and poultry and understand the process, but in this case, I have to put my foot down at eating my neighbors. Besides, if you gobble them, you never know who’s gonna move in next.
Not as popular as New Years resolutions but more popular than anything on the CW Network, there are the annual lists of “what I’m thankful for” on the day those eating a nice slab of prime rib are thankful they’re not stuck with turkey.
Since this year marked a big change for me as I retired from fulltime corporate servitude to a part-time return to news, I find the more I think about it, the more reason I have to give thanks.
A brief list:
*Now semi-retired, I was able to push the shopping cart for my wife, which is part chivalrous, but more about sneaking stuff into the cart like craft beers and Cap’n Crunch.
*I’m thankful that at my age the only way you grow is either shorter, fatter or slower, thereby reducing all expectations by others that I can reach things, become a vegetarian or hurry.
*I’m grateful my daughter and BF’s dog weighs only 4 pounds making it light enough to fetch itself.
*I’m thankful that each time I attempt to shop at the new Aldi grocery store that opened up nearby I have a quarter with which to ransom a shopping cart.
*I’m sarcastically thankful Donald Trump won the election because it was obvious all along he did NOT want to win the election and now the turd is stuck being miserable doing the job he didn’t want and doesn’t pay nearly what he’s currently making and that annoying checks and balances thing in the Federal government will frustrate the hell out of him to the point where he tries, in vain, to sell the Capital to the Chinese.
*I’m thankful I’m healthy enough to continue playing hockey, kayak, ski and able to explain to Millennials you don’t get a participation trophy just for living. Life, itself, is the reward.
*Thanks to the Detroit Pistons for deciding to become the DETROIT Pistons, moving back into the city. Now all four major league teams are a couple of blocks from each other…not only a great perk for fans, but saving precious steps for scalpers.
*Since retiring from Corporate America at the end of July and returning to journalism part-time, I’m happily covering the news again, enjoy my new team, have attended only one meeting, witnessed no turf wars, was not told why I couldn’t do something that made complete sense, could ask any question of an executive I desired and did not have to complete nonsensical and totally irrelevant “goals” to document my accomplishments with the main goal of snagging a bonus decided upon by totally subjective opinions of an evaluator with no knowledge of my work.
*Mostly, I’m thankful for my family, a beer store I can walk to, and the Amazon Fire Stick that lets me watch stuff I’m not entitled to.
I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving!