Kvetch and Release


I don’t get the whole philosophy behind catch and release fishing. Let’s see. The fish is minding its own business when it sees what looks to be something tasty floating in the water. It bites and quickly realizes that worm or bread ball or plastic bug was a nasty trick, hiding a sharp hook that makes a hole in its upper lip. In a moment the fish feels a strong tugging with the goal of forcing it out of the water where it can’t breathe, so it starts fighting back. That tires out the fish and it loses the battle. What next? As the fish looks up to see what the hell is going on, it sees some two-legged creature with a big stick and string attached to the hook stuck in its mouth yanking up and winding the string until the fish is out of the water and in a boat or on shore. Now the fish is royally pissed because not only does it have a sharp hook in its mouth but it’s having trouble breathing. “What’s stick boy’s deal?” the fish wonders. It doesn’t take long to find out. Goober holds the fish while taking a couple of selfies with a slack jawed grin. The fish wants to photobomb the selfie by flipping its middle fin, but decides to take the high road and let the dumbass have his little thrill. Selfies taken, goober extracts the hook from the fish’s mouth and tosses it back in the water. The fish shakes itself off and regains its bearings before resuming its swim to catch up with the rest of the school, all the while grousing about its sore upper lip. When it does, the other fish ask where the hell he was. “Oh,” the fish says, “you wouldn’t believe it. I see a bug, I bite. The bug has a sharp thing in it that catches on my lip. It’s attached to a string that’s attached to a stick that a dumb guy above the water is yanking till I’m out of the water. He takes a picture with me, removes the sharp thing from my lip and tosses me back in the water.” “Oh yeah,” says the head fish. “I forgot. We’re in Michigan.”

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