In this past, horrible week when, it seems, we should be focusing our anger on innocent people being killed by cops and innocent cops being killed by criminals, I’ve seen a disproportionate amount of invective aimed at…Facebook friends.
Oh, it’s been building up to this idiocy. All political season anyone who expresses an opinion from the left, right or sideways is obnoxiously shouted down as being either a moron, cretin, or, worst of all, an acolyte of Taylor Swift. But during this past tense week I have seen this philosophical intolerance escalate to the point where Facebook posters are making what they honestly believe is the strongest threat of all against those with whom they disagree…unfriending! Oh yes! Express an opinion at odds with a certain cranky individual with whom you’ve spent years sharing photos of your dog, anecdotes about your ineffective dermatologist and recipes for breakfast cereals made from Elmer’s Glue and bam! Relationship over. You’re crossed off his/her virtual list of friends you’ve never actually met and who would never show up for your funeral or kid’s Bar Mitzvah. The upside is, who the hell cares? Honestly, I never, ever look at the number of Facebook friends I have and if you dump me I’d never know, or care.
I can see it now…
Guy 1: “There’s too much violence. We must have gun control!
Guy 2: “Piss off. I belong to the NRA. Guns are good. I’m unfriending you!
Guy 1: “Oh no! I recant everything I ever said about gun control. Can we still be friends?
Guy 3: I’m unfriending both of you morons.
You like what I write? Read on. Don’t? Move along. I don’t care. My page is my page and yours is yours. But don’t whine like a spoiled, simpering snot who holds your breath if you don’t get the biggest slice of birthday cake or shows up at the Apple store just as the last, latest iPhone is sold. If you honestly can’t stand to read an opinion that doesn’t match yours then go to your room, close your eyes and imagine a world that revolves around you. Believe me, Copernicus could use the laugh.
So here’s my new policy. I catch you whining on my feed about how tired and exhausted and pissed off you are about certain people’s opinions and then level the “unfriend” threat, boom, there you go. Maybe you care about being unfriended. I’ll never know you were gone.