Death and Kisses-A Bittersweet Vacation
Just returned from a short vacation to Pennsylvania that combined the celebration of the maker of sweet Kisses, with paying homage to a most bitter event in American history. 
Not surprisingly, the crowds at the former far surpassed those at the latter, but then again, at the end of the virtual tour of a Hershey factory you’re handed a free sample–a tiny Hershey bar.
After touring the solemn battlegrounds of Gettysburg, you’re left with bewilderment at the magnitude of death and hatred fellow Americans leveled against each other. In this disgusting election cycle, that philosophical battle is fought between candidates and between their supporters and detractors with lethal vitriol in both social and mainstream media.
In the course of 24 hours and about 40 miles, we visited both the Valley of Death, seen from the summit of Little Round Top where visitors reverently took in the enormity of the horrors that occurred there, and Hershey’s World of Chocolate, where thousands of chocoholics jammed the massive visitor’s center to join the free tour to see how Hershey bars are made, and to buy key rings and earrings and other tchochkes that look like Kisses and Reese’s Pieces.

Don’t get me wrong. I take no fault at enjoying the kitschy town that Milton Hershey built and dedicated to celebrating his namesake brand. What’s not fun about chocolate? We enjoyed our visit very much. I think what I appreciated the most, though, was learning that Mr. Hershey, in creating Hershey, PA, did not want it to be just another company town that amounted to little more than a barracks for his workforce, but a living community with services that enriched the lives of his employees and their families.
Diverting from the main drag of Chocolate Avenue, with its Hershey Kisses-shaped streetlights for the benefit of tourists, Hershey’s vision is evident with modern schools, recreation areas and beautiful homes and gardens. All financed by the world’s collective sweet tooth. 
But it is also heartening to know the crowds in Gettysburg were as ardent in their reverence and curiosity with regard to the pivotal Civil War battle. Sure, you can buy any number of Gettysburg souvenirs and stay at the Gettysburg Battle Field Resort, which bothered me for some reason. Smiling selfies taken overlooking the scene of massacre are regrettably de rigueur for those who just revel in the view and not the scene. 
I think of what Union Brig. Gen. Gouverneur K. Warren thought when he stood in about the same spot as this statue of him on Little Round Top and saw the valley undefended against the Confederates.
History records he quickly sent a message to the top brass to send in some troops, which they did. But man, that moment could really have benefitted from a quick break…for a Hershey Bar.
My discovery came as I endured the annual ritual this morning of de-winterizing our cars, which entails vacuuming, scrubbing the salt from the carpets and of course, Armor All-ing almost every interior surface of the vehicles.
Last Sunday my eyes teared up as I watch the retrospective of Morley Safer’s career on “60 Minutes” on the occasion of his retirement. Who knew he would pass from the scene only a few days later. Oh, my verklempt moment had nothing to do with him packing it in after a million years on the air. It had more to do with the perfection of his writing. Marrying his avuncular narration with video, writing short sentences, masterfully using the medium to tell a compelling and memorable story. For any of us who write for television, Safer was one of a very few to whom we could only hope to emulate, and never quite get there.


In honor of my late mother, Gertrude Garsten, I am posting the eulogy I gave at her funeral December 26, 2007.
Lost to some in the tragi-comedy-farce that is the U.S. Presidential race, and the sudden death of music magician Prince, was the death of Father Daniel J. Berrigan. For those of you much younger than my contemporaries, a short history lesson. Father Berrigan, along with his brother Phillip, defiantly, forcefully and demonstrably, led demonstrations and acts of civil disobedience to protest the Vietnam War, racism, capitalism and other social injustice. Perhaps the Berrigan brother’s most enduring image is the burning of Selective Service draft records in Catonsville, MD, for which they were arrested and were among what were known as the Catonsville Nine, tried and convicted for the action. Over the years Father Daniel Berrigan was arrested many more times for standing up for his convictions.
The passing of Prince and the strong feeling of loss among his fans reminds of the day Elvis Presley died. I was working morning drive at a 1000-watter in Auburn, New York, about 25 miles west of Syracuse. Each morning our newsman, Rich Stewart, picked me up in his little Datsun pickup truck and we stopped at Mister Donut for fortification before our shift. On that day, August 17, 1977, as I climbed into the truck, Rich didn’t say “good morning.” He said, “did you hear, the King is dead.” Hmm..King Who? King Kong? Sky King? I had no idea. Incredulously he implored me, “the KING! Elvis Presley! He died yesterday!” Oh. While a normal human being might feel sad, all I could think about was what a lousy collection of Elvis records the station had and how I would be inundated with requests.
I was drawn to one pallet that was almost empty. Maybe 4 bags remained. Consumers aren’t dumb. That pallet held 25 pound bags of…..soil, at a rock bottom $1.79 per. Score. I loaded my cart with dirt cheap dirt.
Of course I don’t go to the power tool aisle, because my “treatment” has many phases, the next being, convincing other guys hoping for rescue from their hormonal sinking ship that I’m the master of my male vessel. This mean touching and feeling and making up fake stuff to say within earshot of the untreatable. Here’s how it goes down. You strut up to the plumbing stuff and grab the biggest monkey wrench you can and hold it and look at it and say out loud, “Hell, I hope this giant monkey wrench is up to a master plumber like me using it, because pipes fear me when I start twisting and I can’t have my tool bending under pressure.” That gets the attention of the High T wannabees who admit immediate defeat by skulking off to the housewares department and meekly fondle storage bins. That ain’t gonna cut it, ya sissy.
Phase two involves impressing the apron guy watching over the screws and nails. “Help you?” he asks while his fingers are crossed deep in his apron pocket because he just wants to go on his break. “Yeah, thanks,” I say, dashing his hopes. “I need a dozen two penny nails, 14 six penny nails, 2 screws with left-hand threads and a bolt as wide as a Slim Jim.” The guy is both impressed and intimidated and calls over a supervisor who tells me they don’t carry any of those things, which is a trade secret for blowing off obnoxious customers. Even so, I’ve made my point and I’ve never felt more like a man.